Why my life sucks!

Have you ever had so much incomin with someone it’s ridicules. Where everything you try to tell them that you like they sit there and smile because it’s the same for them as well. When you just want to have a lazy day, there right there beside you, and no matter how akward the situation is, they smile along to. And go to anything with you when there the only person you know there. When you get to attached and knows its wrong… when you wake up every morning and think that there going to be right there before you open your eyes. When you start a tv show and never finish it so you get so addictive to it you end up watching every episode you can find. And nothin else in the world matters but them being on your mind… until that day something happens and you dont understand what went wrong… and now you sit there pist as hell wanting to run your mouth and try to hurt them as much as they did to you but end up just making your self look like a fool because you know your not like that, and day after day all you can do is sit there and hate life trying to figure out how your going to live on and go into a big ass dapression mode and shut down 95% of your body. And you try, and try, and try no matter what to stop thinking about them, stop wondering if there happy, if there okay, if they need you…. knowing if they need me back as well, and you have no idea whats happening and all you want to do is try and fix your self to go back and fix it…. but in the end all you really do is stumble opon there photo’s or see them around… read there name or just hear a song that makes you want to talk to them…. not only can I sit here and do all this but regret my self for not making a change when you could…. I guess all im trying to say is im sorry im not perfect, self-sacure,  happy with my life, stable minded, very agressive, over attached, a bitch when it comes to things I dont want to hear, tryin to rush things , being this demon that control his actions and always try to be the guy that fix your problems without knowing it was me who caused it…. maybe I should of backed up and gave you room, let you have your time… not text you every minute and ruin what specail feelings you get when I text… im sorry I got scarred over something that I thought would happen… maybe I was just afraid of lossing you….  and I wanted to get as much of this feeling of you being here…. I just really miss you… even now… and I know how i can go on all day how tough I am on the out side and say I never wanted you here…. but on the inside the truth is that I really do…. maybe my mind wanted to put you threw hell just to know if you would stick around… maybe im just to gone in my own head to even see what I was doing but im sorry… I can say that meaningless word a thousand times and it wont affect it but its ill I can do… its not the fact that I lost the girl i love a second time… just the fact I lost my bestfriend and the person I trusted most as well….maybe some time down the road we can re meet eachother with new faces…. but the feelings inside will always be the same…. even tho you may think im obsessive and crazy for writing and saying all this and just down talk me but thats okay… the real reason is because im hurt… I havnt healed… I still missing this part of me I cant find…. im missing you… all I really want to know is if you miss me too…. the closure of hope would satisfy the cuts and bruises I leave to know if this is still real and I havnt drugged my self to no return… no im not suicidal. ? Im just plain out hurt…. And if you read this…. I am sorry…. il go now…