I want you to know that I realize it wasn’t all your fault and that I will love you always and forever no matter how your feelings toward me may have changed. I realize that I have probably hurt you very often and very deeply as well, and that I have made it increasingly difficult for you to be with me every time that I made you feel incapable of helping me, even when you did try. I am sorry for every look, phrase or shout that ever brought you pain. That was never my intention. All I ever wanted to do was lessen the pain you felt and to be the one that brought you pride and joy. I became so consumed by my sadness that I made it difficult for you to be happy with me. But please understand, the reason I was so sad was because I felt I no longer made you happy or proud and I no longer felt loved. In the end when I said I wanted a successful career I told the truth but I only said that because I felt that your love for me has already died. I do want a career but what is a career without a love to come home to?
How I wish I could turn back the clock and react differently now. If you would have given me more time I promise things would have started to pick up and I would have tried to listen better and to find my way back to the girl that you once loved but you gave up on me and on us. I in turn, made the mistake of over estimating your love for me. I thought you loved me enough to ask me to stay. Don’t you know that’s all I ever wanted?
All I wanted was to have your arms around me at night holding me like it was in the beginning. All I wanted was to know that you did not want a life in which I do not play a role. I wanted you to respond to poetry I read to you where I bared my soul. I wanted you to see through my pain, tears and fear and bring me back to you. How I missed the one who found it hard to tear his lips away from mine before walking out of my front door. How I missed that boy that I once knew: The one who didn’t make his love for me feel like a never ending quest. I kept waiting for him to come home from work and hug me but instead the loneliness continued even when we were in the same room. I know you missed the girl I was before but if you gave it just a little more time and effort she would have came back to you.
I made the mistake of thinking your love for me was much stronger and deeper than it was in reality. I thought you would not allow me to walk away after all we’ve been through no matter how much I pushed. I guess in the end I pushed too hard and you could no longer take it. For that I will always be sorry but when you got on that flight without me you broke my heart and my trust completely.
Now although I would still do anything to fix what broke, it is too late to turn back the hands of time. Please know that I will still love you the same way I loved you when we shared our first kiss and when I first gave my heart away to you. Although there may be another love someday, no love can ever replace what you mean to me. You are entwined in my heart and soul and I don’t think I will ever be completely rid of you or that I even want to be.
I realize that you no longer feel this way about me and you can not bring back feelings of love that have gone away and so we have gone our separate ways and for the last time I say,
Goodbye my love.
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